Words....

These past few months have been interesting. My heart seems to have its days where no matter what I do I can't shake one thought that sits in the corner of my mind. 

And that is... What do I really mean to you?

I mean why are you so afraid or ashamed to care about me?

In any capacity. 

I have made this point before... But relationships do not become stronger by cutting them off... They weaken. 

I am not close with people or God because I didn't try to do something about them. 

I am close to you because I let you into my life and vice versa. 

You said I am one of the people that you care about the most and yet you fill your life with other people... And lock me out with something to gain by doing so?

The funny thing is this... This is what you always do. You lock up when things begin to feel real and that you would have to admit that you feel more. You hid yourself away from me returning to the only thing you know... Which is keeping me at arms length because you see how close I have gotten. Like it snuck up on you. 

You always try to hide and try to patch up all these old wounds yourself. 

I never set out to fix you. 

I set out to love you. 

Maybe that idea is forgein to you, but it doesn't make it any less real.

I think you missed what I was truly asking you to be... I was asking you to be... You. 

The girl who always opened up to me. Who let me be there for her. The girl who made me laugh. The girl who I have seen sad. The girl who cares about me.

I just wish we could talk. 

I miss you.

The Truth.

When I drive home I tend to think about you and why things are like this.

I read some of the things that had been written recently.

The things that matter in this life are sharing it those whom you care about and loving Him.

You miss the point all the time.

You care about me because I cared about you.... Not just because of what I said, but because of my actions.

That's why you heart struggles with it, but you constantly try to stomp it out because you don't like being vulnerable and you are afraid of someone truly accepting you. You know deep down that's why you aren't talking to me. It isn't lust. It is love you feel for me and that is scary to you. Always has been scary for you.

What do we have to gain by slamming the door on something that's matters to us?

I don't think you have ever placed me above Him and I don't feel like I was on a pedestal.

The truth is that I love you. You matter because of who He showed me who you are.

I wish you would realize that you can't stop something that He has put on your heart.